From Captain Marty Lurz:

A juvenile has been arrested and charged with the recent mailbox destructions along Parsonage Road . These destructions were not caused by "soda bottle bombs", but rather by pyrotechnic destructive devices.

Due to his age, I cannot release the name of the juvenile. Our Hazardous Devices Team detectives charged him today with the destructions of property and several counts of reckless endangerment.

Thank you for your assistance.

Captain Martin Lurz 

Baltimore County Police Department Precinct 7

Here’s my suggestion:  release the parent’s names.  Let them take the beat down their kid so richly deserves.

Then put a bumper-sticker on their cars that said “I raised my kid to be a dumbass.  Your taxes pay for my stupidity.”

From the Hereford Zone Business Association:

Meet the Candidates

The Hereford Zone Business Association is holding a "Meet the Candidates" night on Thursday, June 10, 2010.

The event will be held beginning at 5:30pm at Woodhall Wine Cellars,
17912 Old York Road, Parkton, MD 21120.

In attendance will be candidates for:
County Executive -- Joe Bartenfelder, Ken Holt.
County Council -- Todd Huff, Bryan McIntire, Ben Sutley.
House of Delegates -- Wade Kach, Justin Kinsey, Chris Luciano, Tom Morgan.

The format will be brief statements by each candidate, followed by questions.

Please submit your questions in advance so we may get an idea of what topics are of interest to the most people. Submit your questions to: info@hzba.org

Please RSVP to info@hzba.org .
Light refreshments will be served.

The Park Inn’s John Thompson is opening a new package goods store at the old Parkton Exxon.  You’ll remember that John spent a fair deal of money and time trying to build a new Park Inn up on Happy Lane – on land his family has owned for over fifty years – only to get to stonewalled and blocked by a local church who threw up ridiculous protests about having a restaurant with an alcohol license too close to a day care center.  Oh, and let’s not forget the straw man argument about how much traffic it might generate.

Well, the old Parkton Exxon handled the traffic just fine.  So hopefully John will be able to move forward with this.  Otherwise, the church might see some unwanted opposition the next time they want to do some renovations themselves.

Baltimore & Harford County Schools are closed Monday, December 21, 2009.  Harford County is CODE BLUE for employees.

I drove down to help my stepfather dig out the front of his driveway this morning after “The Big Snow”.  And what I saw convinced me that too many idiots now live in the Hereford Zone and Southern PA.

Item #1

When cleaning out your driveway, it’s very stupid and very bad form to dump the snow back in the road.  All you are doing is creating a major road hazard, when a car driving a safe speed on a clear road suddenly hits your newly created snow pack.  Hopefully, you will not be sitting in the living room when the car ends up crashing through the front of your house and destroying it.  Although it would be poetic justice.

Item #2

Truck, van, and SUV owners: You need to clean off the TOP OF YOUR DAMN VEHICLE.  That foot-high slab snow is likely to break off and hit the driver behind you, creating a major safety issue.  If it is me, you can be guaranteed of this:  after I pry myself out of my vehicle, I will shove your own head so far up your own ass that you will fit in a bowling ball bag.  At which point, I will toss you in the middle of I-83 from the Middletown Road bridge and play a game of “dumbass roulette”.

Item #3

It’s the day after a major snowstorm. People are out trying to dig out their driveways, which have buried under a foot (or more) of wet, heavy slush and snow by the snowplows.  How about slowing down a little bit?  If not, you might find yourself buried under a large pile of that same wet, heavy, slushy snow, buried so that oncoming cars can’t see you and think you are just a pile of snow thrown into the road by the idiots from Item #1.

The Hereford Zone is getting pounded by snow, and I am smiling.  Yes, I am up at 5am.  Only God really knows why.  Probably because I fell asleep at 10:30 after a horrendous drive home from Jessup/Columbia/Ellicott City.  But,  I had to get my Joe Corbi’s pizza kits.  There is almost no limit to the lengths I will go to to pick up the Corbi’s.  As soon as its light, I will try and get some snapshots to keep all of you ex-Zoners abreast of the progress of our “new fallen snow”.

Of course, the morning news will do nothing but pump us full of the latest stories of inconvenience and how much people hate the snow.  Oh, and on WBAL-TV, they will have Tim Tooten (yup, that is his name), mouth full of crap and all, reading off the latest closings.  I am serious.  He talks like he has a mushy ball of crap in his mouth.

I love the snow, though. I love how upset people get at small little flakes of ice.  It really does crack me up. 

I also like how almost no one in our office yesterday morning was aware of the severity of this storm.  They could list the last five winners of American Idol, and every song they sang to get there.  But they couldn’t tell you the 1-day forecast.

Modern America.  You have to love it.